10 Dec December 10, 2025 – Can Fit That In Erin Coupe and Strings Attached Joanne Lipman
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| Intro 1 0:04 Broadcasting from AM and FM stations around the country, welcome to the Small Business Administration award-winning School for Startups Radio, where we talk all things small business and entrepreneurship. Now here is your host, the guy that believes anyone can be a successful entrepreneur, because entrepreneurship is not about creativity, risk, or passion, Jim Beach. Jim Beach 0:26 Hello everyone. Welcome to another exciting edition of School for Startups Radio. I hope you’re having a great day out there, making some money, learning some lessons, helping some other people, being grateful, having gratitude for all of the things that we are blessed with, and you have to acknowledge that we are blessed with quite a lot if you’re listening. Fantastic show for you today, three great things. First up, Erin Coupe, a new book called I Can Fit That In, a great way to think about time management and priorities. It’s a great conversation. Then we’re going to play a Quick 10 with Dave Burnett, and then Joanne Lipman, one of the most famous Wall Street journalists is with us. She’s moved on from there. But anyway, you have a great show today, and thanks for being with us. |
| Jim Beach 1:19 Very excited to introduce my first guest. Please welcome Erin Coupe to the show. She is a speaker, author, and executive partner. She is focused on helping high achievers transform and prevent burnout and have some clarity, energy, and fulfillment there instead. She had two decades working on Wall Street in the corporate hell and decided to have her own transformation. We will ask her about that, and she started her business. It is called Authentically EC, for her initials, and she’s just published a new book called I Can Fit That In. I Can Fit That In – oh, I get it. Erin, welcome to the show. How are you doing? Erin Coupe 2:06 I’m good. Thanks, Jim, for having me. Jim Beach 2:07 Tell me about your corporate hell. Erin Coupe 2:09 Oh, my corporate hell. Well, I spent 17 and a half years in Fortune 140 companies, starting at Reuters, moving into Goldman Sachs, and then CBRE, and, you know, one of the things that I really felt was a quality of life that I had sort of adapted over time was constant over-commitment, perfectionism, and ultimately that level of overwhelm that just felt like I was burning out every single day. I would call it Groundhog Day. You know, we all know that famous movie with Bill Murray that we love and like every day just felt so monotonous, like I would wake up and go, Oh, I am going to do this all over again, you know? And what is interesting is it was not just about the work or the environment, but it was about the way I was navigating all of it. I was living my life in this hamster wheel where nothing ever felt that rewarding or that fulfilling, and I was always striving for more, always chasing something that was just out of reach. And that led to what I would call a cycle of self-sabotage, where just nothing ever felt that good in life. Jim Beach 3:15 Okay, well, maybe that was the fault of the big company, the corporate Leviathan Erin Coupe 3:21 Yeah. Jim Beach 3:23 What were the things about it that were getting to you? |
| Erin Coupe 2 3:27 So, you know, one of the things I can speak, you know, in particular right now about Goldman, and then I will move into some of the others. But, you know, one of the things there was that there was definitely a vibe, at least in the group that I was a part of, that the leadership that I reported into – or I should maybe say the lack of leadership – was one in which they were put in those positions of leadership because they either had the most tenure on the team, or they were just paid at a level, you know, VP or above, where they had to give them more responsibilities. So that is one thing I noticed early on in my career, is I would look around at these people that I was reporting to, that colleagues and peers of mine were reporting into, and all of us had the same complaints. There were a lot of very sort of inhumane ways that we were being treated. And there were, you know, things that were occurring where, you know, we were working 14–15-hour days, which, that culture was definitely one in which that was necessary. At the same time, we did not have to be treated like, you know, people were projecting their insecurities onto us because we were young and smart and hungry, you know, we were trying to do the best we could. So I definitely dealt with that level of leadership style that was just very insecure and fear-driven and ego-driven, and that never felt right because, you know, especially as, at that point, I was an early-stage career professional in my 20s, and I would look around thinking, Gosh, I never want to be like those people. I just never want to. And so I took it upon myself over the years to invest in leadership-style courses where I could learn more about what true leadership is. Now, that said, as I did step into leadership at CBRE years later and was a vice president there, I made sure that I did not treat others the way that I was treated. You know, I did not think that it was my rite of passage to treat others poorly just because I was treated poorly. Jim Beach 5:27 That is the whole fun of it, though, is to do unto others as they did unto you. You know, that is how corporate hazing gets passed from one generation to the next. You know, you are supposed to be miserable. Erin Coupe 5:41 Right? Yeah, as long as you stay miserable, then that means that I am doing well. That was definitely a mentality that existed, and I could not disagree with it more. And ultimately, it is why – and I know we will talk a little bit about my own transformation – but it is why I chose to walk away from corporate after I was doing some deep work on myself for a few years and realized I am shifting in ways that impact my entire life, not just professionally, but also personally. It impacts motherhood for me and my relationship with my children, it impacts my marriage and my relationship with my husband, it impacts the way I show up in my community and my friendships, and then, of course, where I spent most of my time was at work, and it was absolutely impacting the way I was showing up at work for my team, but also the clients I was attracting. And so, you know, it did not go unnoticed, some of this positive change that was occurring in my own behaviors. But when people started to notice, when upper-level management started to notice, they were like, Hey, can you help us change the culture around here? To which my response was, No, because I cannot help you change culture in something where you are perpetuating this cycle of, you know, egotistical-driven leadership. And so I did end up walking away so that I could do this work on a broader scale. Jim Beach 7:00 All right, tell us about your transition then. |
| Erin Coupe 7:03 Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I call this inner work because there is really no better term for it, but you know, if we think about human behavior and the ways that people, you know, what I call just show up – the way that you show up at work, the way you show up in your family and your communities – that has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself on the inside. It has a lot to do with your thoughts and with your feelings. Thoughts and feelings tend to match each other, right? The energetic vibration of those thoughts and feelings are usually in tune with one another, right? So if you are thinking something negative, you are going to feel something negative that matches that thought. And I came to a realization that a lot of the way that I had been showing up in my relationships, at work, at home, etc., was not necessarily who I was or how I wanted to show up. Therefore, how I wanted to feel was not what I wanted to feel. So if I was to do anything about it, it is me and only me that can do that. And that was a huge change, because I am going to be honest and vulnerable right now, but historically, I was so good at pointing the finger at other people or other situations, you know, I could point my finger and blame this person or that, you know, the nasty client or the person that cut me off on the road, or the barista that made my coffee wrong, or whatever it is. I was very good at doing that, and I would say most people are, right? It is way easier to look outside yourself for where to blame or where to say the problem lies than to look inward. And so looking inward was the big change that I made. And once I started to say to myself, I am responsible for how I feel, I am responsible for what I think, and if I want to feel different every day, I have to do something about that. It is no longer, you know, my husband or anyone else that is the problem. And so it became something – I would say it was like almost like a hobby – I would change ways of leading my own life. So, for example, instead of getting home at that point and pouring a glass of wine at 5:30 when the nanny left and saying, Oh, this helps me take the edge off – which, you know, my days did feel quite edgy at that point – but instead of relying on that habit of taking the edge off, I instead chose to be fully present and put my phone away and just be with my kids for two hours and not let anything distract me. And it was really hard. I mean, that was not an easy choice to make at first, but I had to get myself used to something different that would then help me think and feel differently, right? It is like the age-old saying of, you do not change ways of behavior or ways of leading, you know, your own life with the same ways of thinking. You have to think differently in order to do that. So that was one change I made. Another one, you know, instead of watching Netflix every single night, I was instead meditating or journaling or reading. And it was not cold turkey. I am not saying there is any such thing as perfection. It was just slow progress of, okay, you know, two nights a week I am going to do this instead of that, and I am going to see how I feel the next day. You know, I am going to see how I feel because of that. So little small shifts were helping me get in touch with myself and be, honestly, just more in tune with my heart, more in tune with, you know, the heartbeat within me, the spirit within me, the light that can shine through me. And as I became more in tune with that, my life started to reflect it on the outside. |
| Jim Beach 10:35 So talk about the book specifically, I Can Fit That In: How Rituals Transform Your Life, and you have “routines” crossed out and replaced with “rituals.” What is wrong with a good routine, and how is that different from a ritual? Erin Coupe 10:51 Yes, that is a great question. So, you know, here is the whole point that I make in the book about routines: there is nothing wrong with routines. In fact, rituals and routines have a lot in common. They are a structured, repetitious rhythm. Both are the same in that sense. The difference is that routines over time can eventually become numb. They become draining because they become autopilot. They become something that we think we have to do and just check it off the list, versus something that we want to do or something that delivers meaning to us. And so when we do a routine because it is just what we have always done, we are blocking out wonder. We are blocking out possibility. We are blocking out evolution within ourselves because we just stay tied to some certain thing or some certain way of being that may no longer serve us. We may grow out of it, and it is hard to recognize that when you are just in that monotonous autopilot way of being that I described earlier, that I used to be in, right? When I was waking up every day and everything just was the same, it was because I was stuck in that autopilot, you know, just every day I was doing the same things, I was not thinking differently or behaving differently. So what rituals are instead, they are still structured, they are still repetitious, there is still a rhythm to them, but they are chosen in whatever moment you choose them because they add value or meaning to your life. They are something that you choose because you actually intentionally want to, not because you have to. So they are not about checking the box. It is not saying, okay, so journaling might be a nice ritual that I have in my life. Do I have to do it every day? No. Do I have to do it at the same time every day? No. Is it on a to-do list? Absolutely not. I am not checking the box. I am doing it when I feel like I want to, like it is going to do something for me and, or it is going to connect me more with others. So rituals can also be done with colleagues. They can be done with your family, with your partner, with your friends. And I talk a lot about how rituals can also be seasonal, right? Like we go to the Caribbean for a holiday present for my family every year, we gift this gift of experience, and we go to a different island the first week of January, and we have been doing that for 10 years, and that is one of our family rituals, you know, so it is something that can also connect you more deeply with other people and also connect you with the planet. You know, things that you may do outside, you know, you might go bird-watching, or you might, you know, enjoy long walks just without a phone or without, you know, listening to anything, you know, you might actually do something like paddleboarding or kayaking, whatever that is, but something that connects you more with the world around you as well. Jim Beach 13:35 I love that. I love that tradition of a new island every year. My family goes to the same island every year. Erin Coupe 13:45 Oh, Nice! Which island do you go to? Jim Beach 13:47 Cayman. Erin Coupe 13:47 Oh, I love that one. Jim Beach 13:47 I have quit going. I am so tired of it. Erin Coupe 13:54 St. Martin is phenomenal. We have been there a few times. Jim Beach 13:58 My favorite by far is Jamaica. Erin Coupe 14:00 Oh, I love Jamaica. Jim Beach 14:03 If you are going to go, you might as well have Jamaican consumables and so, yeah. I like what you said about it does not have a checkbox to go with it. So rituals are not things that get put on a check list. Erin Coupe 14:17 Right! absolutely, that is right, and that is why I named the book I Can Fit That In, because my whole point is one of the biggest shifts that I made, that I have helped clients make, and that I know that readers can make with this book, is to be able to say, I can fit that in. It is not about doing more, it is about being more intentional. So a big part of “I can fit that in because it matters to me” is, I can remove the things that do not – the things that drain me, the things that do not add value to my life, the things that are siphoning energy away from me or life force away from me, the things that are detracting me from what I want to give attention to. That is the stuff that we have to be way more purposeful about. And some people think it is just, No, I need to put more in my days and stack all these routine habits and these bio-hacks to be more productive or more fulfilled, and then they end up just so exhausted. Well, of course you do, because no, you only get 24 hours a day. No one is more special than the next person. So if 24 hours is it, what do you have to do in order to really feel more fulfilled? And it is very personal for each person. It is not the same things, right? So designing your own rituals helps you understand, What are you going to remove at the same time so that you can put in those things that matter and fit those into your days? And so that is where I tell the stories of myself and clients about what they had to remove in order to fit in the rituals that are really going to help transform their own lives. And that is a key step, is cutting out the stuff that no longer serves you. |
| Jim Beach 15:59 So as you started getting out in the real world, how did you build your firm? the – I forgot what, something EC, Erin Coupe 16:11 Yeah, Authentically EC, yeah. Jim Beach 16:13 So, yes, talk to me about building out that company and what it offers and how you market it. Just tell me the whole story there. Erin Coupe 16:21 Yeah, sure. So, you know, I would say, like any, I would say any, you know, entrepreneur who is doing something they are passionate about, I started doing this before I launched the company full time. So as I was in corporate America in that VP role that I mentioned earlier, I was doing the work on myself, and within a couple of years, the shifts were so profound. And that business that I was in, in commercial real estate, was growing in a way that I was, you know, sort of just amazed by. It was more profound growth than I had actually set out for, and I believe that was because of the work I did on me, right? I was shifting how I was showing up, therefore the world was reflecting that. And as that became more successful, I thought to myself, Geez, I have realized all of this positive change, and if I can help more people with this kind of change in their lives, then the world will be a better place. And I just felt like I had something bigger to do on this planet, and this was a part of it. It was as if my soul was saying, you know, You have got something you have got to offer to humanity, and if you do not, you are going to regret it one day. So I started to do just that. I started to talk to people about this inner work. I started to coach people, because a lot of people that knew me were noticing the shifts in me as well. So they were like, Wait, what are you doing differently? So I started to coach certain executives in my, you know, sphere of influence, and it was proving to be very successful. I then started to share a lot of this on LinkedIn – not, you know, specific names, but just various stories of things that were really impacting people’s lives and the way that they were leading in the professional world – and it was taking off on LinkedIn. This is back when we used to write articles, not, you know, posts in the feed, and so people were reaching out to me, saying, Hey, can you come and talk at our town hall about this? This is really interesting stuff. And then I would do that, and I would be asked to do a workshop, and I would do that, and I would be asked to coach a team. And so it really led to this organic level of awareness and reputation that I did not necessarily plan for. So that is where all the work started, on the side of my corporate gig. I then went on to do that for a couple of years and was making changes in my life, as any entrepreneur would, where I was shifting the ways that we were spending money, I was shifting the ways that we were budgeting, because I knew that at some point soon, I was going to step away and do this full time. And, you know, anyone knows that you are not going to make, you know, great money in your first year – and let me know, maybe you are, if you invent a unicorn product, but that is not what this is. So I knew I had to make some changes in order to really step away from that stability and security of, you know, the financial system I was a part of in corporate, and so I launched it full time. Get this: early February 2020. It was, you know, as I said during that time, it was either divine timing or chaotic timing. I would say it ended up being divine, because what I did not plan for but quickly could adapt to was making it largely an online business for, you know, the early stages of the pandemic. And I probably did, I kid you not, about 60 speaking engagements in the first year and a half, and they were all online. They were all virtual. And it really got me so many reps with delivering the human-skills-related content that I had created that was giving people tools to make shifts within their own lives. And so the things that I speak about – of course, now I do this on stages and in corporate settings all the time – but I speak about topics like self-awareness and emotional intelligence and authenticity, you know, energy and productivity and redefining success, and a lot of these things that people want to know more about. But what they really want to know is not just informationally, you know, tell me some things. They want to know what they can do starting now that is going to make a difference for them. So in every engagement, I give three to five tools, and one might resonate with one person, but five might with the next person. So everyone gets something that is applicable to them, which is pretty – what I have been told and the feedback is that that is just so successful and so helps people keep accountable to what they learned and what they heard in some of these engagements. So yeah, I do tons of these workshops, tons of speaking engagements, and then I also coach teams within corporate settings and, or, you know, sometimes smaller businesses. I mean, I have worked with PR firms that are 10 people to, you know, the Deloitte and Microsofts of the world. So it really runs the gamut. And I think the beautiful thing about this work is that it is not about a certain type of demographic or a certain gender or a certain background. It does not even know an industry, because this is about humanness. This is about truly relating to yourself and to others in a way that feels more meaningful, more connected, and just overall more fulfilling. Jim Beach 21:24 Excellent. I love the way you say that. And so do you have a pitch that you are using to encapsulate all of that? What is the elevator pitch to express that to a conference coordinator? Erin Coupe 21:38 Yeah. So, you know, one of the things – this is really interesting. So I just delivered my talk – get this – on pub day. So the day the book was published was November 5, and I delivered a talk called I Can Fit That In: The New Rules of Sustainable Energy, Capacity, and Performance. And with that, the pitch is exactly what the book entails but what my work entails, because the book is an extension of my work, right? So the way that I talk about that is, we are helping people to increase their level of performance and sustainable success by helping them understand: How can they create more capacity in their lives? You do that through the intentional changes or shifts within your own mind first, and then the shifts in the way that you give your attention, your focus, and your energy to the things that you choose. So that is really the pitch, and, you know, I have got the write-up on the website, I have got one-pagers on that, and that is something that not a lot of people out there are doing, and not in the way that I am, because rituals, the way that I describe them, this is your new operating system. The old operating system does not work. The old operating system is about burn yourself out until you are 65 and then you get to live your life. And we all know we have seen people die long before that and, or, you know, become so unhealthy that they cannot do anything after 65. So we are no longer buying into that notion that that is the way we are going to live our lives. We are going to live them now and work as a part of our lives. It does not have to be, you know, Let us move on from the day job. It is not about not making money or not doing anything. It is about enjoying all of that while we can. Jim Beach 23:24 100% true! How do we find out more, follow you online, Erin, get a copy of the book? Erin Coupe 23:29 Absolutely. So my website is ErinCoupe.com, so that is E-R-I-N C-O-U-P-E dot com. I am on LinkedIn under Erin Coupe. I am on Instagram, at @authenticallyEC, and a copy of the book – it is available everywhere that books are sold. You can get it online at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, Books-A-Million, Walmart, you name it, and you can also buy it directly on my website if you want it signed and with a custom bookmark. Jim Beach 23:59 Fantastic. How did you get your publisher? Erin Coupe 24:03 So I did a hybrid publishing arrangement. And, you know, ironically, I knew a lot of people that published with traditional outlets, you know, the Penguins and the Random Houses, etc. And one of the things I learned about that is it can take quite a while to get your book in the world, you know, three to four years. And I am the kind of person that once I commit to something, I want to do it and I want to do it well, but then I want it done. I do not want to have to sit on it for a long time. So I researched that industry and thought, That is not really the fit for me. But, you know, maybe there is another solution besides self-publishing, because I also did not have the time for that project. So the hybrid world is a great fit. You know, it is a mixture. They are a service provider, so you pay a fee, and they provide you a service to manage your entire project and get your book published. So that is what I chose. Jim Beach 24:50 Excellent. Erin Coupe, thank you so much for being with us, and we would love to have you back. Thanks a lot. Erin Coupe 24:55 Absolutely. Thanks, Jim! Jim Beach 24:57 ..And we will be right back. |
| Jim Beach 25:12 We are back and have another brave contestant willing to play the Quick 10. Please welcome Dave Burnett. He is the founder of AOkayMarketing.com. If you are interested in starting to talk about internet marketing in an AI world, Dave has – you have got to talk to Dave. I heard you were willing to play our little game, the Quick 10. Dave Burnett 25:35 Absolutely. I do not know what I am getting myself into, but let us bring it on. I am excited for it. Jim Beach 25:39 All right. Do you want to accept the standard wager? Dave Burnett 25:51 Say yes, then. I would like to accept the standard wager. Jim Beach 25:54 Yes, you would like to accept the standard wager. Great. Are you currently sober? Dave Burnett 25:58 I am currently sober, yes. Jim Beach 26:04 All right, great. Number one, your favorite creativity hack. Dave Burnett 26:04 My favorite creativity hack honestly sounds boring, but reading something I am not familiar with just gets my mind expanded. That is what I like to do there. Jim Beach 26:13 Number two, favorite bootstrapping trick. Dave Burnett 26:17 My favorite bootstrapping trick is to get other people to pay for my client acquisition costs. So that means spend a little bit of money making so much money off of them. Well, after, you know, I get my first client, that they pay for the next clients we acquire and acquire and keep acquiring clients. It is called client-financed acquisition. It is a great, great trick. Jim Beach 26:39 Number three, name your top passions. Dave Burnett 26:43 My top passions are learning, family, and spending time on a lake wherever I can. Jim Beach 26:51 Number four, the first three steps in starting a business are? Dave Burnett 26:56 Give something away for free. Once you have figured out what that free thing is, then you execute on that thing. Tell the people that you are executing on that you suck at it, and all you want from them is a referral and, or a review. And then once you have done that for five people, or five or 10 people, you have five or 10 favorable reviews. Then you start to actually charge money for that thing that you are doing. So those are the first three steps: give away something for free, get referrals, and then start charging. Jim Beach 27:26 Number five, the best way to get your first real customer is? Dave Burnett 27:30 That same whole process I just talked about. Give something away for free. Jim Beach 27:34 Number six, your dreamiest technology is? Dave Burnett 27:38 Something that answers questions before I even ask them. It knows what the next question is. Jim Beach 27:44 Number seven, best entrepreneurial advice. Dave Burnett 27:49 Know that it is going to be hard. Jim Beach 27:53 Number eight, worst entrepreneurial mistake. Dave Burnett 27:58 I did not get it in writing. That was a huge mistake. Always get it in writing. Jim Beach 28:01 Number nine, favorite entrepreneur and why. Dave Burnett 28:15 Warren Rustand is his name, favorite entrepreneur. He is my mentor. He is an amazing guy. Everybody should look him up and follow everything that he says. Jim Beach 28:15 Number 10, favorite superhero. Dave Burnett 28:18 Well, not really a superhero, but I am a big fan of Speedy Gonzales, if you remember him from those old cartoons that we used to have. And the reason why is my grandfather used to call me Speedy when I was a kid. So he is my favorite, and he always used to win whenever he was running away from things. Jim Beach 28:36 Fantastic. Great answers, Dave. Very interesting. While we calculate the score and find out the winner of the wager, how do we get in touch with you and find out more about AOk? Dave Burnett 28:44 Yeah, just go to https://aokmarketing.com/ . If you want to find out more about me, happy to connect on LinkedIn, so just find me, Dave Burnett, on LinkedIn. And yeah, otherwise find me on X. I have got some thoughts there, but nothing earth-shattering, but that is the other place where I am at. Jim Beach 29:00 Fantastic. Dave and I had a really interesting conversation trying to figure out, What do you call search engine optimization for the AI world? And we, you know, the market is sort of coming up with GEO, for generative engine optimization. It will be interesting to find that out. Dave and I had a great interview talking about all sorts of things, including his cool stories. He bought 3,000 URLs one day. It is a story worth listening to in the longer interview. I am just kind of pausing, Dave, while we count. Oh, oh, oh, I am so sorry, Dave, you got a 94, which is an excellent score, but you have to have a 95 to win. One of our judges from Minnesota dinged you. I guess that is some sort of lake rivalry or something. I do not know what that is. So you being Canadian and all, you got dinged, so I am very sorry that you did not win. Excellent answers, though. So you do owe – oh, it is a Tesla. As always, we are playing for a Tesla, so I will look forward to you sending that real soon. Dave Burnett 30:06 Yeah, well, unfortunately you forgot about the conversion rate. So 94 US is actually 120 Canadian. So technically I won. Jim Beach 30:14 No, I think it goes the other way. Ninety-four US is Canadian, like 68. Dave Burnett 30:21 Well, no, no, but we were playing in US dollars, so that is where I am just trying to say. Jim Beach 30:25 Okay, all right, you will take a Canadian Tesla Dave Burnett 30:29 Well, yeah, that is harder to do, given that they are manufactured in the US. So we will see. When they start coming here, we will have another conversation. How does that sound? Jim Beach 30:41 Dave Burnett, thank you so much for being with us. Great fun, and thanks a lot. Dave Burnett 30:46 Thanks, Jim. Really appreciate it. Jim Beach We will be right back. |
| Jim Beach 31:27 Welcome back to School for Startups Radio. I hope you are having a great day and using today to somehow make yourself a better person, a better entrepreneur, and someone more likely to succeed. Remember, my favorite piece of advice is to take your remote control and place it underneath a rock 100 times and then throw away the pieces and never watch television again. Very excited to introduce you to my next guest. Do you like that one, Joanne? I think TV is such a waste. My next guest is already laughing along with us, which is very good. Her name is Joanne Lipman, and she has had every job in journalism, it seems possible. She started off as a reporter for some small paper called The Wall Street Journal, worked her way up to the editor of Page One, and then editor of the Weekend Journal, and then Deputy Managing Editor, and then she was the founding editor of a Condé Nast publication called Portfolio, and now she has a brand new book come out from Hyperion. You do not get any more prestigious than that. It is called Strings Attached, and it is a – I do not know if it is a parenting book, but it is certainly a book on raising children. Joanne, welcome to the show. How are you doing today? Joanne Lipman 32:38 I am good. Thank you so much for having me. Jim Beach 32:42 Well, I am excited to learn about you and your book. You know, this is one of my favorite topics, because I have got three kids, 16, 14, and 3, and so I am very much into this. Tell us, what is the thesis of your book, Strings Attached? Joanne Lipman 3 32:59 Sure. So Strings Attached tells the story of one particular teacher, a quite extraordinary teacher who changed the lives of thousands of students. But, in a larger sense, it really is a book about all of us. It is about the mentors that we all have in our own lives. So it tells his story, which is a quite dramatic and quite remarkable story of success and trauma. He had a lot of tragedy in his own background and somehow transformed it into this incredible legacy of success. So it is kind of a wonderful read. It reads like fiction, but we really thought hard in writing the book about, What are the lessons? What can we take away? You know, how do we create a culture of excellence? What can one person do to become a mentor and create excellence in others? Jim Beach 33:48 Wow, okay, I love it. Is it possible to create a culture of excellence? Joanne Lipman 33:54 Oh, I would believe so. You know, what is interesting about this particular teacher – he was my childhood music teacher – he was a very, very, really tough, and this is what has been kind of fascinating. I will tell you a little bit about the genesis, and then we can talk a little bit about the culture. The genesis of the story was this man was my childhood music teacher in New Jersey. His name is Jerry Kupchynsky, which we could not pronounce, so we called him Mr. K. Now, he was the toughest ever. Literally, he was this Ukrainian immigrant with the big booming accent. He was the guy – he was the orchestra conductor, and he was the guy, if he heard one person playing a wrong note, he would stop the whole group, and he would yell, he would say, “Wrong note!” Just a tough guy. And I had lost touch with him after I graduated from high school, and yet decades later, when I heard that he died, which was just a couple of years ago, it hit me like a ton of bricks that this man changed my life, and that while I had given up the viola, which is what he taught me, 25 years earlier, I used the lessons that he taught me in terms of things like focus, discipline, and perseverance, and I use those lessons every day. And, by the way, when I went back – I felt compelled to go back to his memorial service, which was a concert performed by some alums who studied – this whole concert, I dug my viola out of the closet after 25 years. I felt so compelled that this man had such an impact on me. And I also thought I was a little nuts, that I had a wrong reaction to this. But when I went back to that little concert, walked in for the rehearsal, I saw 30 years’ worth of former students who had flown in from every corner of the country who felt just as I did. And that day we put on a memorial concert. When the curtain rose on us, it was the size of the New York Philharmonic. So you see what the impact that one person can have on so many lives. |
| Jim Beach 36:03 All right. Joanne, I hate to be the jerk here, but today, he would be fired and run out of school for being abusive, would he not? Joanne Lipman 36:12 Well, so, yeah, this is the trick, right? He had really, really tough methods, most of which you could not use today. Now, certainly nobody, no teacher would call a kid an idiot today, nor would any parents accept that, including me. But there were other methods that he used in terms of strict discipline, and I can go through – you know, we kind of deconstructed some of his methods that we can learn from today. I mean, I can give you a few examples. One was that he did not, he never gave us unearned praise. There was no false praise. In fact, there was very little praise at all. His highest praise was, “Not bad.” And if you got a “not bad,” you went dancing down the street. You went home, you practiced twice as hard, because you knew you earned it. And what is so interesting about that is that the latest research that has actually come out since he passed away shows that that is actually right, that the latest research – and there was just something on NPR last week about this – shows that when you over-praise children, it undermines their confidence, and that when you instead praise them for hard work, it encourages their confidence, that they are more confident and they actually perform better academically when you praise them for hard work. And it was as if he knew that, and it kind of instills confidence in the kids. Another big part of his methodology was he allowed us to fail, again something that does not happen these days. He had us audition all the time, and sometimes we did well and sometimes we did not, but he never focused on the outcome, and he never ever penalized us for failure, ever. It was all about, How will you improve the next time? The focus was always kind of about how we can do better. And, by the way, when he would say to us, he did not say, Listen to me or do what I say. He would say, “Defend yourself.” He transferred responsibility to us for our own actions. And I think that both of these kinds of things really can translate today, because the bottom line – it was not abuse – the bottom line, it was optimism. He believed in us. He was saying to us, he believed in us and in our ability to do better, and in our ability to pick ourselves up again when we fail. And we developed those qualities. And I think actually that was – one of his former students, now a very, very successful musician, said to me, she said the single most important lesson she ever learned in life she learned in his classroom, and she said he taught us how to fail and how to pick ourselves back up again afterwards. That is an important life skill, no matter where you go or what you do. Jim Beach 39:10 Well, that is very important, Joanne, especially for all of us entrepreneurs. You know, we are constantly getting told no, and I think the most important skill of an entrepreneur is being able to just let that wash right off your back like a duck and keep on going. So I love this, that he taught everyone to persevere. That is fantastic. Let me ask you this, Joanne. One of the people that wrote a blurb for your book was Amy Chua, who is, of course, the famous author of Tiger Mom, the very controversial book about Asian and certain specific children. Do you believe as far as Amy does in how strict a life that her children have had, or do you still believe that getting dirty and playing in the mud is good for kids? Joanne Lipman 40:10 Oh, I am definitely in the “playing in the mud” camp. I definitely am in the “playing in the mud” camp. We have been out talking a lot about the book and doing some interviews and meetings, and someone in an audience at an event made a really interesting distinction between what Mr. K did and what the Tiger Mom approach is. And she was absolutely right. The difference is this: Tiger Mom’s approach is, My child has to beat your child. My child has to be better than your child. Mr. K’s approach was, I want my students to always improve themselves. We were not compared to each other, and it was not about beating anyone. It was about improving ourselves. So it was all kind of within ourselves. So I think that it is a very, very crucial distinction. I also think that the qualities that you mentioned earlier are so interesting for entrepreneurship. One of the things we did with Strings Attached is we interviewed a lot of former students, some of whom had gone on to become musicians, but most people, like me, most had gone on to become business people and entrepreneurs and doctors and lawyers, and, you know, they had gone into other professions. But I asked these people, so many of whom came back, you know, dropped everything in their life to come back to pay their respects, playing this concert, and I said, What was it that he taught you? And the qualities that they told me were exactly the ones that you just mentioned: perseverance, resilience, self-motivation, self-confidence. Those were all – that is exactly kind of what he instilled in us. And that does not come from Tiger Mom. That does not come from beating up on the other guy. That comes from within. Jim Beach 42:01 Yes, it does. Big, big, big distinction there. All right, let me ask you this: was Mr. K loving? You talk about how hard he was. Was he also – you said he did not give much praise – what about other ways of giving love other than praise? Joanne Lipman 42:21 Yeah, that is such a good question. I am really glad you asked that, because the reason he was effective was not just because he had a big stick. It was because he had a huge heart and he had a real sense of gratitude to this country. You know, he was born in Ukraine. He had a quite tragic childhood, growing up during World War II. He was separated from his parents, and he ended up in these really dreadful refugee camps, and he was on the run from the Nazis and from the communists. I mean, it was a really tumultuous childhood that he overcame to get here. And when he came here to this country, he was 19 years old. He spoke no English. He loved music. He had first chosen music, violin, played by, actually, one of the occupying German soldiers in his village, and had fallen in love with music not just because he had an affinity for music, but because of what it represented. It represented an escape. It represented another world where there was civility and, you know, it sort of transported him away from this death and destruction and chaos that he was living in. And yet, he had never learned music by the time he got here, because he was always on the run and, you know, he was separated from his parents. And so he gets here at the age of 19, cannot speak English, is taken in by a Ukrainian family who meet, who invite some other Ukrainian families who meet the new immigrants. And one of the people, one of the Ukrainians they invited, happened to be a college professor in Kentucky, of all places. And this college professor says to him, I am going to take you back to Kentucky with me. I am going to make sure you get English lessons. I am going to make sure you get a college education. And the amazing thing, by some divine twist of fate, this professor happened to be a professor of music. He taught the violin. So Mr. K had such gratitude for this country, even with everything that went on with him, and he passed that on to us. So he would do things always. He would take us to perform at nursing homes, at hospitals, and not just play, but he would insist that we stay afterward and circulate with the patients. And he said, you know, they do not see a lot of joy. They do not see a lot of young children. And he would, he actually would say, “And you will like it,” he used to say, and we did. And it stuck with us to this day. Jim Beach 44:50 Joanne, I ran a summer camp back in the 90s at Stanford and MIT, Georgetown, UCLA, a bunch of places like that. And the first year, the last week, I only had 19 students at my summer camp, and I was afraid that if I gave an award ceremony that lasted three minutes, you know, gave out three awards, that the parents would be PO’ed that they had driven from San Francisco all the way to Palo Alto for three minutes. And so I decided to give every child an award, and we came up with silly awards, and all 19 kids got an award. And one of the students’ parents was actually an education professor and wrote a paper about this, about how wonderful it all was. I think that that was the birth of this horrible practice of every child getting an award. What would Mr. K say about that? And every child getting an award, what does it do to your expectations Joanne Lipman 45:50 Right! So he was the opposite of that “awards and trophies for everyone” kind of culture, totally the opposite of that, and, you know, and I believe that for good reason. I mean, there is research on this too, actually, about this “trophy for everyone.” In fact, there was research done very recently on music students, on band students, I think in Michigan, and the researchers followed a group of music students as they auditioned and were placed in, you know, first to last, and some of them in the lower-level bands and whatever. And they wanted to see what was the correlation between placement and self-esteem. That is what they were testing for. And what the researchers found was that the kids’ self-esteem was fine. The kids were fine, because they did not want a trophy if they did not do well. They did not want that false affirmation. They said that. So the researchers said the kids’ self-esteem was fine. The problem was the parents and the teachers. They freaked out about it. Our kids are more flexible than I think the culture has been giving them credit for. Jim Beach 47:02 Yeah, I would agree with that. Definitely agree with that. What about entrepreneurship? I believe very intrinsically, Joanne, that the bad things that happened to me as a child are what have made me a successful entrepreneur, that I have a chip on my shoulder to prove to those people who picked on me as a kid that I can be successful and do good stuff, and I believe that failure as a kid is great. What do you think? Joanne Lipman 47:36 I agree. I agree. When you have failure as a kid, you have trouble as a kid, and you have to figure out how to overcome that, that is a skill you will use for the rest of your life. It is really hard as a parent. And you have – I have kids too, and you have three, I have two – you know what it is like. It is really, when your kid is struggling, it is so hard to watch, and you really want to jump in there and save them so they do not have to experience that. But the fact is that having them navigate those troubles on their own is what – that is a skill that they will need and use for the rest of their lives. I actually had a conversation with a woman I know who said that – she is a woman now, like in her 50s – but she said that she grew up with parents who wanted to protect her at all costs from failure, from distress, and she said that it was with the best of intentions, but she said she feels like it has undermined her confidence for the rest of her life. She is afraid to take risks, you know, she does not have confidence in her own judgment, and she is kind of recognizing this, and I think she is trying to do something different with her own children. Jim Beach 48:53 Has this changed the way that you are parenting, Joanne? Not necessarily the experience with Mr. K, but the reliving of Mr. K’s lessons after his funeral. Has it changed you? Joanne Lipman 49:09 It has, it has. In writing Strings Attached – I co-wrote it with Melanie Kupchynsky, who is Mr. K’s daughter… Jim Beach 49:21 Cannot hear you, Joanne. Joanne, cannot hear you. You dropped out for 10 seconds. Joanne Lipman 49:29 Oh, am I there now? So I co-wrote it with Melanie, who is a violinist at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. She is Mr. K’s daughter, and we both, in alternating voices, tell the story. And the experience has changed both of us in that we really had to think long and hard about what was it that made him effective as an educator, what was it that – what were the lessons of success that he taught us, that the students have taken with them, and then it made us rethink – between the two of us we have five children – rethink how we work with our own kids. And I, you know, I mean, my husband and I have always been fairly set on having our children kind of navigate their own problems for themselves, like we really did our best to not interfere at school and to let them deal with it for that very reason. But it did really make me kind of rethink the idea, you know, I am sure I have given more false praise, empty praise, than I should have. Jim Beach 50:36 Well, I just found it was so much easier just to let them go when they are four. You know, when they are four, they are done. You have raised that child, Joanne. You can send them out on their own then. You do not have to worry about them, right? That is so funny, because, you know, I was a good kid. I was an easy kid. I was never happy, but I was good for my parents, and I did not really give them any trauma until I was like 30, and then I gave them as much trauma as they could handle. Joanne Lipman 51:08 Delayed. You were delayed, delayed adolescence. Jim Beach 51:11 Well, it was not – you know, it was just life fell apart at 30, you know. And who do you rely on then but your parents? All right, we are about to run out of time, unbelievably. When you say Strings Attached, what do you mean by that? Obviously, there is the music metaphor, but are you saying – what are you trying to say? You were saying that you should not be too involved and too active in your kid’s life, so what does that analogy refer to in your mind? |
| Joanne Lipman 51:42 Oh yeah, it has multiple meanings. I actually love the title. It has multiple meanings. Of course, you know, he was a string teacher. That is the basic one. But I think that the idea that this was a teacher who launched me and so many students years and years ago, and that many of us had forgotten about but realized his influence on us, and I think that the “strings” – the idea that we are still connected. We are still connected to him, we are still connected to each other. My co-author and I, who had also lost touch for many decades before we reconnected, you know, have reconnected in this wonderful way, and the music, the connection of people who play music together is so strong and something that comes back to you, and that you are very fortunate to have. So I think it sort of works on every level of connectedness. Jim Beach 52:33 Will you force your children to do things they do not want, like learn the viola? Joanne Lipman 52:39 Well, I did make – my sisters were also students with Mr. K, and the three of us have seven children, and all seven children were required to take music lessons. They were not required to stick with it, but one of them has gone on to become a professional French horn player, and the others have stuck with interest in the arts. And, you know, it has really been a great thing for them. Jim Beach 53:03 Well, Joanne, we have run out of time. Other than going to Amazon or Barnes and Noble or their favorite bookseller, how should people reach out to you, circle you, all of that kind of thing? Joanne Lipman 53:14 Sure, sure. So you can get the book in any of those venues. And also there is a website. It is StringsAttachedBook.com, and there is more information. There is some of the music from the book actually embedded in the site, and also there is a form if you wanted to reach me. You can actually send me a note. I would love to hear from you. Jim Beach 53:35 Fantastic. Joanne, thank you so much for being with us today and continued great success with the book. Joanne Lipman 53:42 Thank you so much. Thanks for having me. I enjoyed the conversation. Jim Beach 53:45 All right, me too. We are out of time, but back tomorrow. Be safe. Take care, everyone. Bye now. Oh, and go make a million dollars. Bye now. |
Erin Coupe – Founder & CEO @ Authentically EC & Author of I Can Fit That In
One of the biggest shifts that I made, that I’ve helped clients make and
that I know that readers can make with this book is to be able to say, I
can fit that in. It’s not about doing more. It’s about being more intentional.
Erin Coupe is the founder and CEO of Authentically EC, a coaching, training, and personal-development company that helps high achievers and organizations align performance with purpose. With more than 17 years of experience in the corporate world, including leadership roles at major firms on Wall Street and in real estate, she experienced first-hand how success and productivity can come at the cost of personal well-being. Her own transformation from overextended executive to intentional leader inspired her to create Authentically EC, where she now guides leaders and teams to design lives built around clarity, energy, and alignment rather than burnout and chaos. Erin is also the author of I Can Fit That In, a practical, deeply personal book that offers a blueprint for professionals and executives to reclaim control over their time, energy, and focus, teaching that sustainable success is rooted in intentional living, not nonstop hustle. As an international speaker and facilitator, Erin has spoken on over 500 stages, reaching more than 250,000 people worldwide. Her frameworks – drawing from neuroscience, mindfulness, and leadership principles – are applied across Fortune 500 companies, professional sports organizations, universities, and global associations seeking more conscious, human-centered leadership. Today she continues to challenge traditional notions of success, inviting professionals to redefine productivity as a source of energy and fulfillment rather than exhaustion. Through her speaking, coaching, and writing, Erin helps individuals and organizations build sustainable performance cultures that honor both ambition and authenticity.
Joanne Lipman – Journalist and Co-author of Strings Attached: One Tough Teacher and the Gift of Great Expectations
He taught us how to fail and how to pick ourselves back up again
afterwards. Such an important life skill, no matter where you go
or what you do.
Joanne Lipman is a distinguished American journalist, editor, and author known for her influential voice in media and business writing. She began her journalism career at The Wall Street Journal, eventually rising to become its first-ever woman deputy managing editor, a role in which she oversaw coverage that earned multiple Pulitzer Prizes. She went on to found and serve as the founding editor-in-chief of Condé Nast Portfolio magazine and its companion website Portfolio.com. Later, she held top editorial and leadership roles at USA Today Network, including Chief Content Officer and Editor-in-Chief, supervising dozens of publications and thousands of journalists. As an author, she co-wrote Strings Attached: One Tough Teacher and the Gift of Great Expectations, a memoir-style tribute to a remarkable public-school music teacher whose life and dedication shaped the lives of his students in profound ways. Through her career she has demonstrated deep commitment to journalism that matters, powerful storytelling, and highlighting voices and stories that inspire and challenge readers.Joanne is a frequent television commentator and media commentator, contributing to major news outlets and speaking publicly about journalism, leadership, reinvention, and social change. She also lectures at academic institutions, sharing her experience and insight with students and aspiring writers.